I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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