Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
