..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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