I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He? As in you personified your dick?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
