last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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