I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
