I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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