I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
