i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
