Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
