I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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