I accidentally burped into my bong.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize