I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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