if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
