Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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