Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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