Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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