UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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