yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
