ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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