Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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