Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize