my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
