I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
