JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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