I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
