A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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