i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
