i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
