My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
