I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
