i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I am available for nakedness
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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