I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
only you would photoshop your dick
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
