Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
