whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
