I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Drunk is not a location!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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