i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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