I just saw a hot homeless man
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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