Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
