Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
