I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
