We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
