I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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