yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
