Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
