Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
