So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
