My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
