Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
