the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I stole a fireplace last night.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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