I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
