Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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