Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
