Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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