She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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