Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
