I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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