If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
