he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
