he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
