Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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