All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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