I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
When are your genitals available?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
