I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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