just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
