We're like a lot better than the average bears
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
