So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
