his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
