come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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