life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
