it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
