I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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