if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
