I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
