How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
