Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
